I've been visiting Miss Anna in hospice most nights for the past week.

Last year I was in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving. One of my MUSE sisters invited me to her house for traditional dinner, and I went gladly. Her mother was up from Lexington, and friends and family all came by during the day, especially for dinner. There was a wonderful houseful, and I was there for 12 hours. I felt accepted and comfortable.

Her mother, Miss Anna, directed in the kitchen as we prepared dinner. Now, she is in bed in a nursing home and I'm told she's not expected to make to next Thursday.

But Miss Anna is very strong, and wants to come home for Thanksgiving very much. Mostly, it's so easy to visit her, and spend time with her. She's a nice person, and I really like her. Sometimes it's hard, like today, when she believed I was there to take her home. I wouldn't want to be there all the time, either, and it was so hard to tell her that home wasn't in the plan for the night.

I look forward to bringing her sweet potatoes, greens, turkey, and macaroni and cheese on Thursday, I truly do.

After that, it's one day at a time, and I'm nervous about how it'll be for her.

Some kind of breakthrough: this weekend, I ran 30 seconds faster per mile than my fastest mile this year (which wasn't during the race!). Today, exceeded that for a shorter run. Not sure how or why, but I'm happy.

Maybe it was the break during the bronchitis and flu.

My average running pace for my last two runs is a minute faster per mile than it was during the race a month ago, and for longer distances. Scary.

Haven't run this fast since I moved to Cinci.

'kay, onward.

I called the social worker today to make sure she had all my paperwork finally, which she does. FYI I submitted my application in mid-May.

The time line she gave me: she will have my home study typed in by mid-November before she goes on medical leave, and passed on to her supervisor. Her supervisor will look it over when she gets the chance, and send it on to the State of Ohio. That will get finished the same day, and I'll be certified as a foster parent with the ability to adopt. This should all be completed by Thanksgiving.

After that, I will get matched up with a child that meets my characteristics checklist. I am asking for a baby, under 1 year old, and I'd prefer that the county has started going for termination of parental rights. Those are 6-month adoptions in Hamilton County.

Finally getting closer!

This week's assignment is how to use a flash. Good timing, as it has been rainy and icky "here." I've been mostly in Michigan and now back in Ohio, and I brought the rain back with me. I've never shot with flash so this is exciting and frustrating, but cool, too.

My models for tomorrow will be my black cats. Should be awesome. Also, I can shoot the things-on-top-of-the-"mantel". I already shot harps, harps, harps, Samson the Great Pyrenees, and some kaleidoscopes while I was "resting" indoors back home. I have room for 4 more good photos, or even some cruddy ones.

Imagine never using a flash, and trying to be creative or just giving up on shots whenever you didn't like the available light, because you didn't have the right kind of flash unit or know how to meter for fill flash. Yeah. This has been kinda fun. Makes me want some off-camera flash units, or some white poster board, you betcha.

I don't remember much of the past four days. I know I watched streams of old television shows, some of them particularly good. I remember going out in long sleeves covered in a sweatshirt and wrapped in a heavy leather coat on a beautiful October day and keeping a dog from being run over in the street on my way to get food for my cats.

It seems unlikely, but I think I had the car washed. Twice. Maybe that was a dream, but the bird spots are gone. I am soooo tired.

Not yet ready to run out and do things, and that's okay. The list of "needs" is huge, but it's really wants. There is food in the house, and I have light and heat and water and clean clothes and electricity.

I will run when I can, and start back up with my obsession. It will be good for my lungs to have the rest they need, I need. Same with photography, class homework due tomorrow, 10 photos showing the use of at least three elements of composition. The light is perfect today, and if I take good care of myself, I may be able to use it by this afternoon, when it's warmer.

It all started as an errand of mercy for the cats. They were completely out of food since I have bronchitis and possibly the flu. Little do they know the adventure that transpired on my way to their kibbles!

She was running loose. She was red, and came to me when I called her. Hopped right into the car! I took her to the vet, and they looked up her ID tag info to locate her family's information. And now she's at home with her family. Yay!

Called the doctor because my asthma was an issue yesterday. Turns out I had bronchitis and my lungs were blocked up, reducing my pulmonary function by too much.

After two breathing treatments, the second of which contained adrenaline, I got back up to over 85% of my lung function, yay! And with the steroid shot and some antibiotics, I could breath all night and as long as I don't move around too much or go outside today, I hardly cough.

I can go back to running after Sunday evening. Rats on how long, but ... I literally ran (my normal distance of) 4.5 miles on Thursday while I had bronchitis and didn't know it, and had a hard time getting my breath afterward. Did a hilly run well, though, I was proud of myself!

I hate missing out on the beautiful day, but I am finally learning to take care of myself well. Lots of videos sound like just the thing today, even though I want to be out with my camera. There will be time during the week. I will make time.

Women of Spring Grove Here's one of the shots from this weekend, part of my "Women of Spring Grove" series now taking shape.

Many awesome returns on this day! (and lots of others, too!)

Ducks and ducklings, mamma and baby moose (two pair), bald eagle, fireweed, Mt Marathon from the nearly-top, bald eagle, waterfalls, sloughs, caribou, lichen, prairie dog, pipeline, ptarmigan, showshoe hare, old russian church, salmon running upstream, sandhill cranes, tundra, black spruce in the permafrost, Exit Glacier, killer whales (mamma and baby), ravens, columbine and lupine.

Rocky-top mountains, tors, and domes; Chatinika gold dredge from the inside; blue skies all night long.

RIP My baby brother, Michael Andrew Kovach, age 39. He killed himself on 27 April. He is survived by his big sister; his big brother and wife and their three kids; his wife and four children; his father, mother, and maternal grandparents; aunt, uncle, and four cousins and their 6 children.

He died the day after I completed my move into a new apartment.

It's been horrible, and yet it's getting better. I got to meet and spend tons of time with his two youngest kids, my 5 and 4 year old niece and nephew, which is a huge wonderful thing to come out of this. I also got to know the older two a little bit, and that was really special.

I have had about as much transition as I can stand. I'm ready for some happy wonderful right now. The social worker comes on Friday for my first home visit to start the foster-to-adopt process. That seems like the start of something good, which I could really use.

I'm sad that my brother is gone. I'm sad that my cat got old and is gone. I'm happy with my new apartment. I'm happy that I'm healthy and everything is moving forward with the foster parent process.

It's all life stuff. My life has been really messy lately.

I haven't posted in a long time. I wanted to post here for those who don't read my Facebook, so you'd know that yesterday I took KitKit to the vet and had him put to sleep. Our choices were either he had to live in a cage for the rest of his life because he could no longer remember where the litter box was, or he would be locked into a room that was either too small or hellaciously hot for comfort. And being locked up was wearing on both of us, since all he wanted in life was to be held. I wanted that for him, too, as I'm sure you all did.

The big guy had gotten down to 8 1/2 pounds from 14 when we moved from Ann Arbor. He was happily eating the organic wet and sometimes even the dry food, and sleeping under the plant stand in the sun room of the new apartment since we moved, or still making it onto the old cat tree. He still played in anything water, although his paws bent at odd angles and he mostly lay down to play.

He was a very happy old man, and I am very sad to have made this decision. He was a very good ol' buddy. KitKit was 17 3/4 when he died, and went without a fuss.

Ever since the discussion group that I facilitate talked about electronic communication, I've been thinking about the trends I've seen throughout my life, my likes about it, and where it seems to be now.

When I was a kid, my friends and I saw each other at school. As we got older, we were allowed to use the phone. My family being one of the most restrictive, phone and car privileges were practically non-existent, so until I went to college, I arranged seeing friends while at school, and saw them after school or work by riding my bike, or not at all. Very three-dimensional, very in person. College was very similar, minus the parental restrictions, because I was poor and had no car. I had a phone, but heck, I lived in the dorms with most of my friends, so who needed it.

In my early years of working, the internet was just being created. Cell phones were being invented. If someone asked you to get something at the store and you forgot, you got something else you knew they liked, or you waited until the next trip. You planned ahead when you were going somewhere, and found other interesting places on the way if you got lost. Sometimes you met nice other people, too, when you stopped to ask directions. Back then, people knew how to find things.

The next things I remember were BBSs, which were ways of talking to people without any pictures. List serves were at the same time, and discussion boards, too. People hid behind aliases, even then, which is where Talyen came from. Then came MUDs, and the tipping point of use once graphical browsers were invented started an information explosion.

Couple that with the electronics explosion and how people talk to each other has changed. I was walking up the long brick-paved circle toward the entrance to the gym and heard a woman find out she was no longer in a relationship. I can log on here and read strangers' epic opinions on movies, the President, and redheads. I can log in to Facebook to find that someone I haven't seen in ten years washed the dog today. I can log on to Twitter and see a picture of Alyson Hannigan's new baby.

Do I need all the information that's available to me? Just because it's out there, is my life better for it? Is the world better for it? Sure, it's cool ... I'm a geek, I know cool. I'm also a human who wants to make sure my race and my planet are going to improve the longer we're here, and just because something's cool doesn't mean it's doing it's best for me.

Sometimes, I need a place to put the long thought. I need to believe others are reading this blog and thinking about it for themselves. I believe that's the purpose of blogging. The blogosphere was invented so we don't have to hide our journals in the bedside table; so we can be sure someone will find it and read it; so we can always be published; so someone can share our thought, change it in their mind, and share it back in comments, and pass it on. These were not possible when I was in college, now they're very normal. Are they good for me?

I think Facebook and Twitter are different: they provide spaces for putting very short updates of what's immediate in your life, especially Facebook. Sometimes, I need to believe people want to know what's going on in my life, in one-liners. Are they? Sure, people are listening, maybe while they're watching You-Tube and chatting with someone and also eating chips. These are less conversational, and show much less commitment. Texting an update to Facebook? Definitely not for intimate, meaningful conversation.

I come back to my two basic questions.
Are the changes that we've see good for us? How can things be better?

I met my personal trainer today. She did a preliminary assessment.

After 7 months of next to nothing for exercise, my weight and BMI are average to below-average for my age, height, etc. Yeah, whatever, Americans need to lose weight and get more active, because all my clothes are feeling too tight, and these are the same clothes I had last year.

She also did push-up, sit-up, 3-min step, and a flexibility test, which will be references for later. There was a cardio test that I failed, I mean, the bike and computer went nuts and it eventually gave up without scoring.

So I'm on my way to getting my body back into shape. She's training for a half-marathon. After we get going, I'd like to pick a 5K to run in. And, of course, I want to look great on the cruise.

I've been living like I imagine normal people live. Having given up choir, in the last month/six weeks I've:

walked to work nearly daily
knitted a hat
knitted a scarf
created two photo shoots
watched 6 seasons of West Wing
observed KitKit's health
done laundry and dishes and (somewhat) cooked on a regular basis
entered a photo contest
gone back to taking voice lessons

I'm getting with a personal trainer (paid for, waiting for the match-up) so I can get my body back, too.

As for the old KitKit man, I've done a ton of reading in the last week, and I wish for the good vets of home. I'm making a few changes based on what I've read online. My sense is that the arthritis and tumor are more painful, and he's not always able to tell when he's going to have a bowel movement (yeah, woo-hoo). Life's been fun here.

KitKit's a great cat, as everyone knows, so the adjustments are to give him a small amount of painkiller, not enough to trigger vomiting, and to soak his new organic kibbles that he loves so he gets lots of water easily, not just from jumping into the tub and yelling at me to turn on the faucet. Today he had a pretty good day.

I'm taking lots of pictures of him, too. Even got one with the drips on his paws. He's my guy.

I've spent some time reorganizing my 6 x 10 storage "cube" in the basement. Now I've thrown away stuff I haven't used in 2.5 years, stuff I predict I will no longer want, and have moved around stuff in my apartment. I feel like I have a bit more room.

I still don't have two bedrooms. Damn.

I now want:

a "baker's rack" that's really a plant stand (like this one)
a second "baker's rack" that I can put the microwave underneath ( like this one)

Considering the size of this town, there is not much in the way of Craigslist or resale shops. Even Good Will, in terms of furniture, is meager. I hate buying new!

Feel free to send suggestions.

It's winter in Cincinnati. The White Death has twice stuck to the grass and driveway. It is time for me to start walking to work, using public transportation, and in all, putting the Winter Plan into effect.

I don't like the winter plan. I am calling for HELP!

I am looking for a car, and would appreciate test drivers in Michigan. I am looking for a station wagon, a Volvo, BMW, Subaru, or Toyota, with 95,000 - 125,000 miles on it depending on the make. I'm looking for AWD, a little bit harder to find in SW OH. I have been looking on craigslist and would like to have someone knowledgeable I can ask to drive a car and report back regarding issues and potential problems, handling, condition, etc. Please let me know if you would like to help out!

This will help me because I am driving to northwestern Indiana and renting cars. I am driving to Michigan and renting cars. So far, it's been pretty cheap, but maybe it would be nice to have my own car, and during the week, too? I do have more trips coming up this winter!

P.S. I am tentatively off crutches as of Monday, so I am just starting to walk. Manual transmission is OK!

I've watched more than 50 talks on TED in a very short amount of time, 30+ in one day I think. These are some of the most brilliant, innovative people on the planet with the most opportunity to make change in the world, who talk about their ideas in a conference that happens once a year.

I want people to take these ideas and solve all the problems I see and prioritize. These people are doing so much! Their ideas, and combined with the capital at the conference, is already making a significant difference in Africa. It's changing the way the listeners understand the growth of urban areas in India and Turkey. It's about targeting appropriate technology and involving local communities in their recoveries using resources that make sense.

I wish those same principles could be applied here in the US with our own communities of homeless, with our drug-based cultures, with our inner cities. I am astounded at the progress being made in sub-Saharan Africa, and even knowing how incredibly much more room there is for change, I am impatient for more: more ideas that can translate into empowering more people here.

I know, I know: I'm the change I'm looking for. But how am I going to build inner city public transportation based on solar power so that it has a low cost to share with my fellow citizens, so they can get to jobs, and reasonably-priced housing. I could use some help here. So could many cities.

I continue to believe that the reason I moved to Cincinnati, and the reason I stay here, is because I am learning patience, and Cincinnati is a good place to learn it.

I am still on crutches. I re-injured my heel while transitioning off crutches, so ... more weeks of non-weightbearing crutching. I have to follow instructions until I heal.

I haven't found a house that I like and can afford. I've been in every house I can afford in my first, second, and third choice neighborhoods, and I've learned two things: 1) I don't feel comfortable affording nearly what the bank says I can afford, and 2) I need to be patient until a house I can afford, that I like, is available. Or 3) I need to be really patient, and save up more money before I try to buy a house.

Patience. I want a bigger place so I can have a child, now. This spring, I'll look at houses when more become available. But I'll also look at apartments, because more will become available, too. And then I won't have to give up walkability, which is a really high priority for me.

I don't like patience. It feels like giving up what I want.

So, I looked at a perfectly good house today. It's in my price range, and within a couple years I'd probably be able to afford to replace the boiler with gas and add central air. Maybe eventually replace the windows, too. It's in a good part of the most alternative neighborhood, not my current neighborhood, but my next choice and about 2.5 miles from where I am now.

Frankly, I have cold feet about the whole "house" thing. I mean, come on, that's a lot of responsibility and so much less money going into my savings account! It's scary, all this change stuff. I am resisting.

So even though I keep looking for a house, I think what I really want is an apartment like mine, but with 2 bedrooms, in my same neighborhood. Right! That's so easy to find. Am I having trouble because I'm being too picky? Or because change is scary, and I don't want to change?

I'm afraid to commit to a house. It's expensive, and means lots of other changes: unknown things like building maintenance and lawn care and saving for upgrades that won't improve the resale. Am I just getting old and afraid of change? Or am I being too picky?

It's scary that I'm not even sure.